Lately, I feel in between a rock and a hard place. I’m applying for my MFA in playwriting and I’m only applying to schools that are fully funded or partially funded. So, I realize how incredibly competitive this is and I’m not sure if come September, I’ll be starting school. And while this is par for the course, I’m not sure whether to pursue other job opportunities that might be coming my way soon. There’s a position in particular that offers inifinitely more growth and is a real career job – a job that probably won’t leave much time for writing on my lunch hour and sending an occasional script at work.

But it would give me intellectual stimulation, the chance to learn more skills, and make more money while my writing career grows. I’ve been at my current job for three years, and haven’t really grown professionally.

I’m really torn. I haven’t even gotten an offer – but even just thinking about this stresses me out.

I feel as though by accepting a new position, I basically am assuming I won’t get into graduate school, which feels a bit defeatist. But at the same time, the practical part of me says this is the time to really try to learn new skills and grow a side career so that buying my lunch doesn’t make me feel guilty because it’s too expensive.

One of the great things about my current job too is that I don’t take it home and I really have my own interior life to myself. I get to live inside my head. I also really enjoy the folks I work with. They feel more like family at this point.

Sometimes I wish I could be one of the those people who have no problem couch surfing and giving up creature comforts to devote most of their time and energy to create.



3 thoughts on “lately…

  1. I don’t think accepting a new position is defeatist. You are just making sure you have as many options available to you as possible. To not take one opportunity because of the possibility of another leaves you unprepared if the other doesn’t work out. I say, you’re just being smart about what you have to work with.

    • oh, and I say this from experience. I have gone through similar situations many times and I have to say, the one that always ended up with a good result was one where I had many choices as opposed to one where I was left scrambling for something at the last minute.

  2. Thank you so much Janice. This made me feel a lot better. I like what you said about being smart about what I have to work with…which is sort of how I’m feeling about it. Being practical…

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