I always wish I felt a natural desire to wake up and start writing. I never do. Instead, it feels like exercising. But I always have to do it. I do not think I could not write. I would always think of my life as lacking in some great way.
Being the neurotic, guilt ball that I often am, I feel badly for not experiencing some natural desire to sit at my laptop and create. Instead, I would often rather watch netflix and eat pizza.
While confirming that I am not alone in my impulses to be slothful, this quote from theater director Anne Bogart also made me sad in that existential angst sort of way.
“I have come to understand that the creative act is ultimately action against natural human tendencies. Left to natural devices, human energy and endeavor moves towards entropy and disintegration. Our lives lead inevitably to decay and death. In the morning we are weighted down by the burden of sleep, requiring a supreme effort to arise and join the world. The end of a gesture, when not treated with an artistic attack of acceleration, tends to die out. The artistic impulse, in contrast to the entropic direction of a life cycle, rises above the tendency towards death and negation. The artist searches for lightness and for exactitude in the face of rot and decay. Fueled by curiosity, energy and hope, we enter the darkness. We accept the darkness and in that acceptance sometimes we discover a thin vein of light.”
– Anne Bogart